Skip to main content

Thursday Musings - Bitterness in our relationships

Its so easy to turn things sour in a relationship. In the society I see around me, trust deficit is rampant, communication, meaningful communication that is, almost scarce and ego larger than ever before. 

No wonder than, it takes very little to ruin a friendship, a relationship or any association with a few words of bitterness. But I was thinking last evening, how stupid it sounds, if I see the larger picture. Consider P & R. Lovers from past few years. Live in together. Had a horrible fight the other day, compelling R to move out of the apartment. You and I will on surface, think of it as a routine lovers tiff or some misunderstanding or an ego clash. It turns out that P shouted at R and one thing led to another and hell broke lose. Happens all the time. Even would be happening in some corner of the World as I write this.

What we never are able to see the larger picture. The larger picture contains the circumstances around which both individuals are evolving. The circumstances they bring to the table. I go deep into the P& R tiff like a nosy aunt and I realize, P had a rough meeting at office. R had got stuck in the grocery store for an hour because of some bill issues. It was a routine day with some bad moments. In privacy of their home, they just vented out the frustration. So the fight, which was a fight, was actually never a fight. It was just a collision. 

Was it bad? I don't think so. I know many of you would disagree. P (some other P this time, a former friend) used to always ask me, why I was at times bitter towards her. Even T (yes, former friend) used to ask me the same. I would often reflect upon it (for I love them as you love your closest friends) and tell them the same thing. With you guys, I can be myself. I don't need to up my mood, or act cheerful with you guys around. I am bitter at the moment, I am going to be same with you. They both exited my life soon after but I believe, if you can't be your raw self in a relationship especially close ones, what's the purpose of staying in one?

So bitterness according to me at least isn't bad. It's okay to let your guard down, you are human afterall. My friends might be rude to me at times, but doesn't mean that I should let the bitterness ruin things in a snap of judgement. If its too bothersome, we can talk to the other person about it. 

Memories are what are left, when we exist this over polluted Planet. Not how many friends we bought or sold out and for how much. Not how many loves we trampled upon. I say we should keep the bitterness to bare minimum. But next time a close one snaps on you, don't rush to judge or react. This is also human nature. People hide so many of their emotions for several reasons all the time. We never know what's been stirred inside.

Happens with parents too. If you see it that way. Parents sometimes scold children for no fault of theirs.

It can take a lot of emotional investment to build a meaning relationship. The trouble is not only why a person was bitter, but also how the other person reacted to it. 


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Also read

Sex without intimacy: A Spill the Tea story about modern loneliness

Tara meets someone through a matrimony broker. They quickly decide marriage isn’t on the table, but spend a night together anyway. What follows isn’t regret or drama, but an unsettling emptiness. Over tea and samosas, she tries to understand why physical closeness left her feeling more alone than before. Spill the Tea: When Closeness leaves You Feeling Further away The tea was too sweet. Tara noticed it immediately but didn’t say anything. She sat on the verandah chair, one foot tucked under the other, the plastic creaking every time she shifted. She wore a black cotton top with sleeves pushed to her elbows and denim shorts that left her knees bare to the evening air. She didn’t look uncomfortable. Just slightly unfinished, as if she’d left in a hurry. Between us, a steel plate held two samosas, already cooling. The chutney had begun to darken at the edges. She broke a corner of the samosa. The crust flaked onto her plate. She dipped it into the chutney, carefully. “You know,” she said...
Post a Comment
Read more

Cutting people off isn’t strength—It is a trauma response

Your ability to cut people off and self-isolate is not a skill you should be proud of—It is a trauma response Cutting people off and self-isolating may feel like a protective shield, but it is often rooted in unresolved or unhealed trauma and an inability to depend on others. While these behaviors seem like self-preservation, they end up reinforcing isolation and blocking meaningful connections. Confronting these patterns, seeking therapy, and nurturing supportive relationships can help break this unhealthy cycle. Plus, a simple act like planting a jasmine plant can symbolise the start of your journey towards emotional healing. Why do we cut people off and isolate? If you’re someone who prides themselves on “cutting people off” or keeping a tight circle, you might believe it’s a skill—a way to protect yourself from betrayal, hurt, or unnecessary drama. I get it. I’ve been there, too. But here’s the thing: this ability to isolate yourself is not as empowering as it may seem. In fact, i...
1 comment
Read more

Does India need communal parties?

I think, it was Tan's post on this blog itself, Republic Day Event, where this question was raised. My answer. YES. we need communal parties even in Independent, Secular India. Now let me take you, back to events before 1947. When India was a colony of the British Empire. The congress party, in its attempt to gain momentum for the independence movement, heavily used Hinduism, an example of which is the famous Ganesh Utsav held in Mumbai every year. Who complains? No one. But at that time, due to various policies of the congress, Muslims started feeling alienated. Jinnah, in these times, got stubborn over the need of Pakistan and he did find a lot of supporters. Congress, up till late 1940's never got bothered by it. And why should we? Who complains? No one. But there were repercussions. The way people were butchered and slaughtered during that brief time when India got partitioned, was even worse than a civil war scenario. All in the name of religion. And there indeed was cr...
40 comments
Read more