"My cousin touched me there"

Note: When Tan suggested me to post this here...I gave it a thought. I felt he was right. 
yeha I know in the election times ..people would be more inclined to politics. Well still..just give it a read :)

For the first time when she came in I knew she is going to be one of my best pals. she was bubbly chirpy sociable and a caring human being.she was I felt my true copy. But what I felt wasn't true and I'd never known that trait of hers which never matched mine had such a reason behind it.

She never liked to talk or be familiar to the opposite sex. I found this irritating but I just used to remember all her other traits which brought her close to me and made her one of the closest beings to me on this Earth.

As she and I had got very close in friendship that we began sharing secrets which we never thought would come out of our mind. And I thought I understood her as I thought she was me.

Then one day as we were alone in my room I asked her why she was so unfamiliar and irritated with boys. I felt I had opened up some wound which she got long ago. She broke down. And amidst of all this she just let out the words......

"my cousin touched me there"

I was taken aback. I was wrong to be claiming that I understood her. I was wrong.


Ps:) This is not a piece of fiction its the cruel and crude truth my dear friend went through.

A sad reality many face..due to lack of knowledge about the issue : (

26 comments

Amal Bose said...

and u told no one?
isnt that some kind of encouragement?
i know its tough for anyone to report such things but it should be, what if he does it again?

Priya Joyce said...

@ amal:

its not about me dear..its about a close friend of mine..I feel sad for her..coz..she was not informed about these issues as i was..at a very young age i knew all these ad so i was far from such cruelties!!

Amal Bose said...

i knew it was her.
thought it was a recent event, thats y i told to report it. but i still think that he should get what he deserve.

read this post.

http://pink-loves-brown.blogspot.com/2009/05/raping-eve.html

Priya Joyce said...

@ Amal:

hmmm..it happened when she was a kid..and she told me when we were in eighth.

gargi said...

Its disgusting to even think that such people exist! I mean where is the word "family" going to?!?
The thought of something like this being done by a relative just gives me most disgusting feeling of all! I really think girls should come straight out with these situations... at least to someone who is close to them!
This is harsh reality... but someone has to bring it up!

swati said...

the relations are just getting worst...father raping a daughter..Brother physically abusing a sister..wat rubbish..why is it tat the fairer sex is thought of as weaker target..is it her fault tat the God has made her so?
many such incidents have been reported whr the gal is not mature enaf to undrstand..but which becomes a pain fr her life throughout..
sex education in schools isn't it an option?
its so disheartening..

Priya Joyce said...

@ gargi:

yes that's really a harsh.
The world is really reaching heights in every field..but It's sad that its deteriorating in relationships..humanity..... ahhh!!

Priya Joyce said...

@ swati:
yes good point..i do not know when would people stop taking sex as a taboo and go for sex education at schools.

Towards reclamation said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Towards reclamation said...

sad .. and even though am a guy i have had a couple of girls confiding with me about similar instances .. though nt necessarily a 'cousin' was involved but the issue was the same .. Child sexual harassment..
disgust is probably the first emotion that would strike us .. it did strike me but was soon followed by a question .. why are they quiet about it ?? I know of a case where a girl tried talkin about it with her family and they shunned her calling her to be ill charactered .. !

It's sad that our society in such cases further victimizes the victim and does not pursue the sick criminal .. this further leads to the oppression of the victim ..
even our movies show tht if a girl is raped her family breaks dwn ppl commit suicide ... and the society looks down upon the girl .. and isnt tht very ironical ..

the society has to change that outlook .. understand dignity is about self respect and nt virginity in such cases .. purity is of character and nothing else .. it is when that happens such victims will come out of their shadows pursue the doom of their wrong doers and that will bring in a reduction of such instances ..

I still remember a dialogue in a hindi movie which sums up why there is this disgust I share for my society ..
" agar ladka galti kare to bolte hain kisi ne ghar se bahar thooka hai .. agar ladki galti kare to kehte hai kisi ne bahar se ghar ke andar thooka hai "

(If a boy commits an amoral deed they say someone has spit outside from within the house .. but if a girl does the same .. they say soomeone from the road has spit inside the house)

Period.

Priya Joyce said...

@ sid:

yes what you have said is very very true.
Basically what has to be changed is..mentality ..
Things like sex education..(which I completely am for) comes up because of the inability to change the mentality.
Well there's another issue which is the health problems the victims face..So
on the whole it is Mentality change + innovative steps!
thnx

яノςんム said...

OMG, it is real unfortunate to know about it.

but i guess the only way out of it is education.. molesting at home also known as incest, is the deadliest sin i feel..

the parents shud tell their children to be aware to and not let anyone touch their private parts..

Devil Incarnate... said...

Its very disgusting and sad, bt ys these days we can hear it everywhere. Not telling that it didnt existed b4, bt i think gals shud hav enough education to know wt is gud for them n wts not gud. and above all its important to learn to say NO, n to make sure other person gets exactly wt u meant to say...

Tan said...

I have already commented on this Priya, when I read it some months ago. Thanks for posting it here.

There was no need to put my name in there... anyways... happy to see you here :)

Sid has a point! Hmm... think of it people...

Harshita said...

Uhuh! this is sad but why don't you encourage her to tell her folks abt it... probably they'll understand and help her out... else she will keep living under this fear and guilt.

Priya Joyce said...

@ richa:

yes and I too think it's one of the most deadliest crimes one can do to someone..

lack of knowledge+fear of expressin all r involved :(

thnx for the comment :)

Priya Joyce said...

@ devil incarnate:
knowledge is limited to only some girls..I think..and the sad part is even educated parents do not think of those things and nor educate their kids about this crime..

My friend had to face all this coz..she wasn't told about all these..
:(
the surprising part is..people who commit this have the knowledge..but the victims of the same family fail to get it.

Priya Joyce said...

@ tan:

well yehaa...
i hope u do not mind ur name being there?? do u??

yes i second u on tat..sid definitely has a point..

Priya Joyce said...

@ harshii:
I do not think that her family would take it in a way it shud be..

That wud make her even more upset..and morover..she isn't in contact wth me rite now...
:(

thnx for droppin by :)

Arnav said...

Disguisting yet True.
Its high time we speak against these things...
Even if it happened when she was a kid and now that you both know, speak up against it , even if it means fighting with your family , because its not only about your friend, she has already been a victim, but the disguisting guy should be punished, else he would let his devil take over him again and ruin some one else's life...

I know of a guy who faced something similar, he was sodomized when he was in class 2 and it went on for an entire year... and he was innocent enough not to reallize what actually happen till he was in his puberty but then the problem occured.. he grew up thinking that "loving" a GUY is normal for onother guy( not that I am against any preference- but here was this guy who was forced into homosexuality !!)
He is a very dear friend of mine, and he told me this long ago, today he is still confused trying to figure out his sexuality.... all because of a disguistin man who wanted 3 minutes of a"good time" at the expense of my friends innocence...
He now wants to start a movement againts child abuse...

Priya Joyce said...

@ arnav:

yes if it happened to me i'd surely hav told my parents.but i actually do not think i have the right to let out her secret.
If she doesn't wish to tell there may be a reason..and..moreover..i guess it would only increase her problem..and also that she might have to face mental torture..

as per her family background :(

well.. what happened to ur friend is very sad..
such things cannot be justified however much you try....
and i have noticed this mostly happens to kids..ahhh
so it can by no means..be justified..

but I (as a personal opinion) prefer that the victim should forgive that person.
It could give a mental peace.to carry on the life further:)

thnx for the valuable opinion :)

Piyush said...

priya..why dont you inform someone in her family something about it. ur friend needs to undergo psychiatric treatment. i mean she has been scarred and would never be able to deal with men normally. maybe a psychiatrist will be able to help her accept the fact that she suffered at the hands of a pedophile as a child and every guy is not the same.
she will have a more normal and comfortable existence at least for the rest of her time on earth.
besides, other relatives of her extended family will be more careful about not leaving their children alone with the cousin. maybe others have already suffered, and more will if he is not recognised.

Priya Joyce said...

@ piyush:

thnx for the suggestions fiend...I do not know an answer to it i do not know whether this wud result in bigger prob...may be she'd be blamed....well....yehaa..parents...some do think relatives r nice..but it always doesn't happen..ahhh....i'd try to do my best :)

thnx :)

Hurtin' Mom said...

This happened to my son. His 13 yr old cousin took him in their grandmother's dark basement under the guise of joining a "secret club." My son was 8 at the time. He looked up to his cousin and readily went with him. His cousin told him, "I do this with all my friends." He molested him. My son realized what was happening and began to run. His cousin slammed the door shut and told him he wasn't done yet. Somehow my son escaped. We only know about it as I suspected my son was upset about something and questioned him. Sad thing is, the entire extended family seems to think this kid has only done this once and they continue to bring him to ALL family functions. This upsets my son and us. Their grandmother lives in denial, stating the same things, he did this one time, he'll never do it again, why shouldn't he come to family functions...we are all there and nothing will happen. Nobody takes into account my son's feelings. (he is now 9) We did take him to therapy and he is doing well otherwise - if he never had to see his "cousin" again, he'd be even better. Why doesn't "family" understand this? Does anyone have any words of wisdom?

Arnav said...

@Hurting mom,
I am glad that at least he manged to run, and that he could tell u is encouraging.. why don't you discuss this with that kid's mom- I think he need therapy to understand the impact of his deeds..
Family sadly does neve see the
"-vE" side of their children.. that what makes them worse..
Well I know your kid must be feeling terrible whenever he looaks at that cousin, but you would have to explain thigns to him so that he does not do any thing in anger or revenge coz that again would make matters worse.. But seriously try talking to that cousin's mom... explain to her that ehr kid is the one who desperately needs therapy else he would not only spoil his life but also the life of others.

Priya Joyce said...

@ hurtin'mom:

well it's gud that he managed to run away.
about the family thing..It..happens coz some parents or elders aren't ready to accept that their kid could also be at fault..
This happens wth many parents..

may be love may be..trying to hide the truth unconsciously:(

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