Thursday Musings - Bitterness in our relationships

Its so easy to turn things sour in a relationship. In the society I see around me, trust deficit is rampant, communication, meaningful communication that is, almost scarce and ego larger than ever before. 

No wonder than, it takes very little to ruin a friendship, a relationship or any association with a few words of bitterness. But I was thinking last evening, how stupid it sounds, if I see the larger picture. Consider P & R. Lovers from past few years. Live in together. Had a horrible fight the other day, compelling R to move out of the apartment. You and I will on surface, think of it as a routine lovers tiff or some misunderstanding or an ego clash. It turns out that P shouted at R and one thing led to another and hell broke lose. Happens all the time. Even would be happening in some corner of the World as I write this.

What we never are able to see the larger picture. The larger picture contains the circumstances around which both individuals are evolving. The circumstances they bring to the table. I go deep into the P& R tiff like a nosy aunt and I realize, P had a rough meeting at office. R had got stuck in the grocery store for an hour because of some bill issues. It was a routine day with some bad moments. In privacy of their home, they just vented out the frustration. So the fight, which was a fight, was actually never a fight. It was just a collision. 

Was it bad? I don't think so. I know many of you would disagree. P (some other P this time, a former friend) used to always ask me, why I was at times bitter towards her. Even T (yes, former friend) used to ask me the same. I would often reflect upon it (for I love them as you love your closest friends) and tell them the same thing. With you guys, I can be myself. I don't need to up my mood, or act cheerful with you guys around. I am bitter at the moment, I am going to be same with you. They both exited my life soon after but I believe, if you can't be your raw self in a relationship especially close ones, what's the purpose of staying in one?

So bitterness according to me at least isn't bad. It's okay to let your guard down, you are human afterall. My friends might be rude to me at times, but doesn't mean that I should let the bitterness ruin things in a snap of judgement. If its too bothersome, we can talk to the other person about it. 

Memories are what are left, when we exist this over polluted Planet. Not how many friends we bought or sold out and for how much. Not how many loves we trampled upon. I say we should keep the bitterness to bare minimum. But next time a close one snaps on you, don't rush to judge or react. This is also human nature. People hide so many of their emotions for several reasons all the time. We never know what's been stirred inside.

Happens with parents too. If you see it that way. Parents sometimes scold children for no fault of theirs.

It can take a lot of emotional investment to build a meaning relationship. The trouble is not only why a person was bitter, but also how the other person reacted to it.