This diary entry by Tushar Mangl reflects on the communication dynamics within traditional Indian families, comparing them with Western practices. Mangl discusses the lack of open communication, especially between parents and children, in Indian families, which often hinders younger family members' confidence and decision-making skills. He advocates for involving children in family discussions to build stronger bonds, increase understanding, and encourage personal growth.
August 8, 2006
In traditional family settings, especially in India, speaking openly, especially against the head of the family, is seen as disrespectful. Any attempt to question or challenge family decisions is often met with disapproval, labeling the speaker as a “batmize” (Hindi term for disrespectful), making open communication even harder. When family members cannot express themselves freely, it creates an environment where effective communication is stifled, limiting personal development.
Hierarchical structures in Indian families often leave decision-making to the elders. Children are seldom allowed a say in matters of budgeting, finances, and even personal life choices, like whom or when to marry. This practice leads to children growing into adults who struggle with decision-making and often continue to rely on their elders for guidance, even after marriage. Such traditional settings hinder a healthy flow of communication, leaving younger family members hesitant and overly dependent on parental approval.
One could argue that Indian families tend to stay together longer than their Western counterparts, not necessarily due to stronger family bonds or cultural influence, but because of the lack of open, effective communication. In Western families, however, even with limited time to communicate, members engage in more meaningful conversations. Family decisions are often made collectively, which allows children to be more active participants, fostering a healthier environment for dialogue.
Discussing topics like relationships is still uncomfortable within many Indian households, as parents tend to react with judgment or disapproval. In Western contexts, while parents may disagree with their child’s choices, they engage in open discussions, meeting their child’s partner, and collectively sharing opinions. Involving all members in decisions results in choices that better reflect the entire family’s perspective, something rarely seen in Indian households where parents often make final decisions.
August 11, 2006
Reflecting on the importance of open communication, I remember a scene from the American film Patriot Games, which starred Harrison Ford and Samuel L. Jackson. In one scene, a husband returns from work, and his wife informs him she is pregnant. They then share the news with their daughter, a girl around 10 or 12. When asked how she feels about it, the girl hesitates but eventually responds, mentioning a friend who dislikes her younger sibling. The father humorously acknowledges this, and when the daughter asks if she can suggest names, her parents encourage her, fostering an open, supportive environment.
This small conversation illustrates how open communication can be effectively nurtured. As soon as the parents receive the pregnancy news, they share it with their child, inviting her opinion. The father, noticing his daughter's hesitation, encourages her to speak her mind, enhancing her confidence. His humorous response reassures her, and the parents' willingness to hear her thoughts on baby names further emphasizes the importance of including children in family matters.
Such dialogues are rare in Indian families, where children are seldom encouraged to share opinions on family matters. Open communication nurtures confidence and decision-making abilities, and parents should foster it. Instead, parents often listen half-heartedly, missing the chance to truly understand their children's perspectives.
August 12, 2006
I’ve reflected much on the decision-making process as an essential part of effective communication. When all family members, including children, are allowed to contribute to important decisions, it teaches them to express their views and builds their confidence.
In the final scene of Patriot Games, while preparing breakfast, the mother receives a call confirming her pregnancy, and she asks her husband if he’d like to know the child’s sex. Surprisingly, he turns to their young daughter for her opinion, involving her in a decision that affects the entire family. This thoughtful approach builds the child’s confidence and makes her feel responsible and valued.
Sadly, even as adults, many children in India still consult their parents for decisions, stemming from a traditional setup where patriarchs are occupied with work and matriarchs feel too reserved to openly discuss matters. This communication gap can be damaging to children’s personal growth, yet it often goes unnoticed.
So, my advice to every parent is this: Involve your children in family decisions. Communicate openly with them. Such practices naturally reduce the generation gap, helping parents and children understand each other better. Misunderstandings are more easily resolved, and most importantly, patience and openness from parents will foster a healthier, stronger family bond.
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