First published on 30/10/2009 18:49
Teenagers: Navigating the rollercoaster of love, friendship, and dating
Teenage years are a whirlwind of emotions, relationships, and self-discovery. As adolescents transition from childhood to adulthood, they encounter new experiences in love, friendship, and dating. Through the journey of Shaina, a teen facing friendship drama and heartbreak, this article explores the real, messy, beautiful experiences of adolescence. It’s about love, trust, healing, and discovering who you are, one moment at a time.
How does it feel to be a teenager in today’s world?
It’s hard to explain, isn’t it?
You’re stuck between being told what to do and expected to act like an adult. That’s where I found myself too—watching childhood blur behind me and the future glare ahead, way too bright.
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My name’s Shaina. I’m seventeen. And for me, being a teenager isn’t about rebellion or mood swings (although, yes, those happen too). It’s about love—messy love. Friendship—complicated and confusing. And the pressure of figuring out who I’m supposed to be, while pretending I already know.
Why do teenage emotions feel so overwhelming?
You feel everything—deeply. One moment you are laughing until you cry, the next, you're crying until you're numb. Science has a lot to say about this. The teenage brain is still developing, particularly the prefrontal cortex—the part that helps with decision-making and emotional regulation.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, this development continues until about age 25. That's why everything feels more intense right now. But intensity isn't a flaw; it's a superpower if you learn to channel it.I would recommend you to read the story Waiting to be seen: A journey from childhood loneliness to love. Its compelling, emotional and relevant to our times.
I remember feeling broken after my first breakup—like the pain would never end. It wasn’t “just a teenage thing.” It felt real because it was real.
What happens when childhood Ends But Adulthood Hasn’t Really Begun?
Childhood is soft and full of safety nets. Then one day, no one tells you you’re too young anymore. You're expected to know better.
But I didn’t. And you probably don’t either. That’s okay.
When I walked into my first real crush at fifteen, I believed it was love. He said all the right things. We had ‘our’ songs, ‘our’ inside jokes, and I thought, “This is it.” Spoiler: It wasn’t.
What I didn’t realise was that I was chasing the idea of love I saw in movies—not the real thing.
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Why do teenage friendships change so fast?
One day, you're promising to be best friends forever. The next, you're sitting alone at lunch, wondering what went wrong.
I lost my closest friend, Meera, over something silly—a misunderstanding we both were too stubborn to fix. Weeks of silence followed. And in that silence, I learnt that communication isn’t just for romantic relationships. It matters in friendships too.
Teens like us often tie our self-worth to social acceptance. A 2023 study by the Journal of Adolescence found that peer relationships are the biggest influencers of self-esteem in teenagers. No wonder losing a friend feels like losing a part of yourself.
What does love really mean for teenagers?
Love, at this age, is misunderstood. Often, it’s mistaken for attention, validation, or physical attraction. But real love is patience. It’s showing up even when you don’t know what to say.
Looking back, my first relationship was more about me trying to feel wanted than truly understanding my partner. And when it ended, it felt like I ended.
But I didn’t.
It took therapy, journaling, and crying at 2 a.m. to realise: Love is not about losing yourself. It's about finding someone who helps you become more of who you are.
Why do breakups hurt so much more in teen years?
Because it's your first. Firsts are always tender.
And because no one tells you how to mourn someone who's still alive, sitting across from you in class, but no longer yours.
Teen heartbreak feels like drowning in a sea of "what ifs." For me, it meant deleting old texts, unfollowing, re-following, and then crying over a hoodie he left behind.
But healing started when I read an article that changed my perspective entirely: Your Childhood Wasn’t Your Fault: Healing. It reminded me that some wounds are inherited and healing isn’t linear. That link gave me permission to be soft, slow, and imperfect in my recovery.
Can you really be in love at this age?
Yes. But the better question is—can you understand it fully?
The answer is: not always. And that’s not a bad thing.
Teenage love is training ground. You learn to trust, to communicate, to set boundaries. You also learn how to pick up the pieces when it ends.
And sometimes, very rarely, teenage love becomes the real deal. A lifelong bond. But whether it lasts or not, it’s still love.
What does self-worth look like for teenagers?
Imagine looking in the mirror and liking who you see—even when no one else is watching.
That’s self-worth. And it’s rare among teenagers.
A 2022 report showed that 42% of adolescents globally feel "inadequate" or "not good enough" regularly. I was one of them.
But I started small. Wearing clothes that felt me, not just trendy. Saying "no" when I meant it. Writing poetry that no one else would read. Slowly, I stitched myself back together.
How can you support a teenager going through heartbreak?
If you’re a parent, teacher, or friend: Don’t dismiss their pain.
Saying “You’ll get over it” or “It’s just a phase” does more harm than good.
Instead, try, “I know this hurts. I'm here.” That one sentence can be a lifejacket in an emotional flood.
Is social media hurting or helping teenage relationships?
It’s doing both.
On one hand, it connects us. On the other, it gives us filters—literally and metaphorically. We compare, we curate, we chase likes like they're love.
After my breakup, I’d refresh my ex’s profile like a ritual. One photo could ruin my day. But when I finally muted him and followed self-love pages, things began to shift. The algorithm started feeding me hope.
How do you heal after teenage trauma?
Slowly. Imperfectly. But you do heal.
Start by acknowledging your hurt. Journaling helped me name feelings I was too scared to say out loud. Books gave me characters who felt the same. And that article—Your Childhood Wasn’t Your Fault—gave me language for my silent wounds.
Healing is not erasing the past. It's holding your own hand as you walk through it.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to fall in love as a teenager?
Can a teenage relationship last forever?
How do I know if my relationship is toxic?
How can I feel better after a breakup?
Being a teenager isn’t easy. It’s heartbreak and hope, awkward crushes and real pain. But it’s also the start of everything. You’re learning not just about others—but about yourself.
And if no one’s told you this today: You're allowed to feel deeply. You’re allowed to mess up. You're allowed to grow.
This is your story. Keep writing it.
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