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Suicidal Love!

She was a beautiful girl, probably the most beautiful girl I ever met. She was a gem of a person. There are some people who always carve themselves in your hearts, she was one of them. Drishti...a beautiful name given by her mother. She had hazel eyes...and a vision to see everyone being loved. She was this crazy girl who never spared a moment to enjoy her life to the fullest. Her credo in life was, "Live your life to the fullest, you don't know when you'll die!!" It all seemed so vague. So out of this world, that I always smiled at her belief. I called her the vibrant end of the rainbow. Not because she was my best friend, but she was just like that. Always smiling, always joking and dancing around. She, to a lot of extent, taught me to be stronger each day. She lost her mom when she was fourteen. Her dad remarried. The stepmom made her life hell. She came back to India, lived here for a year and went back to London. Her life was not easy. Living in one of the most expensive cities of the world, was not easy at all. The only support she had from her dad was that of the money.

She called me up one night, she was very happy.
"Shane, I found him."
"The one I love the most."
"Are you sure??"
"Yeah! And we're moving in."
"Drishti, are you sure you're ready for it?"
"Yes! I love him."
"Congrats. I'm very happy for you."

From that night onwards, she became a lot more sober. She suddenly became so mature and composed that I found it hard to believe that she was the same Drishti I knew. But she was the same. We still had a lot of fun, but now, she thought about him. Only about him. Day and night. Just about him. I was the happiest to see her so glad. She lived a dream. But just like every dream, she had to wake up. And when she did, she muted herself forever.
She called me again.
"What happened?? Are you alright?? You want me to come over?"
"No..I just wanna tell you that...I'm gonna be a mom soon."
"What?!? Drishti?? Are you insane?? You're just seventeen."
"I know. But I want to be one."
"You're out of your bloody mind. Fred knows??"
"What did he say?"
"He's happy too."
"I'm against this. Rest is your choice."

I hung up. Somewhere, I didn't like the whole feeling. I'm educated. I'm aware. I'm broad-minded. But what is wrong is wrong. There are no excuses for it. Anyways, my birthday was approaching. I celebrated it. I didn't receive a call from her. I was worried. Very worried. The next day, her brother called me up and told me that she committed suicide, on my birthday. This was her own way of saying sorry to me. I asked him the reason for this step of hers. He replied in a trembling British accent, "Fred betrayed her. She couldn't take it. She killed herself."
I was angry...battered...broken...irritated...I wanted to break that guy's head. I wanted to slam him hard in the wall. I wanted to throw him from the twenty third floor of my building. I wanted to do so much, but couldn't. Just couldn't.

Why am I telling this to all of you here?? My first post to this forum and it's full of death and mistakes. I wrote it because I hate us. I hate ourselves for being so ignorant when we're educating ourselves so brilliantly. That girl lost her life over someone who never had respect for her. She killed those twin lives inside her for a person to whom she was only a thing. He just wanted her to fill his bed. Why?? Don't our parents always teach us to be respectful to each other?? And why did Drishti kill herself over

him?? If he betrayed her, then wasn't she supposed to bounce back?? I guess no!!
All of this seems to be a hunky-dory. Writing and reading about sex and its consequences is so easy. It's the same with failed relationships. Isn't it true that our society is stinking today??

Whenever I heard such news of people killing themselves over unsuccessful relationships, I used to frown and that's it. Never had I thought, I'd be witnessing something like this happening with my own best friend. She was my sister and I still cannot believe it. Each time I look at our pictures, I can only remember her words, "Live your life to the fullest, you don't know when you'll die!!" The only difference here is, that she knew when she'd die!!


Anonymous said…
Sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time. Take care.

- Sydney
bhalla said…
i thought of writing something but i suppose...nothing can cheer you up..m really sorry.....
Shruti said…
@ Sydney
I am over that phase now. That's why I was able to write it
Thanks, anyways

@ Bhalla
It's alright. I'm getting used to her absence. And as I said, that's why I was able to write it
Thanks for reading
What you say perfectly makes sense.. and yet within ourselves we are soo selfish dont u think ?
2emkay said…
Sorry to hear that... I hope what you have written opens up the eyes of so many others in this world...

Take care
Shruti said…
@ Winnie
(out of the context, I love your display name)
And you're right, we are stupid. We talk of courage and grit, and still we see ourselves getting carried away by weak emotions

@ Maddy
It's alright. I'm fine. And I wish the same too. I cannot see anyone for that matter to end his/her life so easily.
Razigan said…
When going gets tough, tough gets going.......

First timer to this blog......
Nice initiative.
Richa said…
hey Shruti

welcome to the blog :)

i apologize for droppin in late, i have read the post earlier, but cud nt comment..

yeah, i can imagine the plight of frn of urs.. how she gave up everything for sum1 who wasnt worth..
n i know how hard had it been for u..

But this was certainly not love..
i guess, she on the first part went to tht guy out of the loneliness, she wud have badly wanted to b out of tht killing feeling..
n she seeked love out of a moron!!

but anyhow, life goes on..

Mayank said…
Hey.. When I read this, thought of fiction.... But by the End, I was Numb for few min.....

Stay Fit & Wish for Best of Life!!!
Kartz said…

Sorry to hear about your friend. Yeah, I remember your relating the instance when I wrote that poem.


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